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1. Although this writer attempts to be specific in his introduction through the use of the date ("September 16, 1990"), overall this introduction is vague and bloated with words that don't convey an image. The writer says that he felt "indescribable disbelief" when his mother fell down the sense, but we don't know what "indescribable disbelief" actually means: was he stunned into inaction? did he scream? Without the details, the writer's attempt to hook the reader fails. The opener also contains errors in punctuation ("On September 16, 1990 I experienced the worst feeling of my life the feeling of incompetence.") and uses the same word ("feeling") too many times.

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