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Introductions
The introduction is
the first sentence of your essay and it plays the dual role of setting
the theme of your essay and engaging the reader. The introduction should
not be overly formal. You do not want an admissions officer to start reading
your essay and think, here we go again.é Although admissions officers will
try to give the entire essay a fair reading, they are only human -- if
you lose them after the first sentence, the rest of your essay will not
get the attention it deserves.
General
Tips
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Don't Say
Too Much. Just tell the story! Your introduction should not
be so complex and so lengthy that it loses the reader before they
even start. You have the rest of the essay to say what you want.
There's no need to pack it all into the first sentence. This leads
to the next tips.
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Don't Start
Your Essay with a Summary. If you summarize, the admissions
officer does not need to read the rest of your essay. You want to
start your essay with something that makes the reader want to read
until the very end. Once you have drawn the reader in through the
first one to three sentences, the last sentence in your introductory
paragraph should explain clearly and briefly what the point of the
whole essay is. That is, why you are using this person, place, or
thing. What does it say about you?
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Create Mystery
or Intrigue in your Introduction. It is not necessary or recommended
that your first sentence give away the subject matter. Raise questions
in the minds of the admissions officers to force them to read on.
Appeal to their senses and emotions to make them relate to your
subject matter.
Types
of Introductions
Please
select a link below for examples and descriptions of various introductions.
Academic
Introduction: This is the type of introduction you
would use for a standardized test or a history paper. A typical standard
introduction answers one or more of the six basic questions: who, what,
when, where, why, and how. It gives the reader an idea of what to expect.
You should try to stay away from simply restating the question unless
you are limited by a word count and need to get to the point quickly.
Your basic academic introduction or thesis statement is best used as the
follow-up sentence to one of the more creative introductions described
below.
Examples:
One of the
greatest challenges I've had to overcome was moving from Iran to the
United States. Iran was in deep political turmoil when I left, as
it is today.
This introduction
is clear and to the point, and will prepare your reader for the ideas
you want to discuss. However, it is rather unexciting and will not immediately
engage your reader. As mentioned, you should try to preface it with
a more creative statement. In addition, it makes one typical error.
One should usually avoid using contractions in a formal essay, for example,
Through all
of my accomplishments and disappointments, I have always been especially
proud of the dedication and fervor I possess for my personal beliefs
and values.
This is a
very effective introduction to an essay about your personality. Mentioning
pride is a good way to indicate how important your beliefs and values
are to you. In a sentence like this, however, it would be better to
use "throughout"rather than "through"."throughout"better
expresses the widespread, expansive tone you want to give this sentence.
Creative
Introduction: A creative introduction catches the
reader off-guard with an opening statement that leaves the reader smiling
or wondering what the rest of the essay contains.
Examples:
Imagine yourself
a freshman in high school, beginning your independence. As the oldest
child, I was the first to begin exploring the worlds of dating, extra-curricular
clubs and upperclassmen. However, one afternoon my parents sat my
two sisters and me down. They said…
The power
of this introduction is that it places the reader in your shoes, making
him or her more interested in what takes place in the rest of the essay.
Its main mistake is that its informality gives the essay a slightly
hokey or corny tone. Although a greater degree of informality is allowed
in a creative essay, you must be careful not to take it too far.
I am a dynamic
figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known
to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient
in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban
refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
This introduction
is both creative and effective. It amuses the reader by listing a bizarre
and probably fictitious set of achievements, thus demonstrating the
writer's imagination (and poking fun at the admissions process). At
the same time, its light tone avoids sounding too obnoxious. As a note,
you should remember that good use of semicolons will impress your reader:
"I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees; I write award-winning
operas; I manage time efficiently.
Action Introduction:
An Action Introduction takes the reader
into the middle of an action sequence. By not building up to the story,
it forces the reader to read on to find out not only the significance
of this moment in time, but what led up to and followed it. It is perfect
for short essays where space must be conserved or for narrative essays
that begin with a story.
Examples:
I promised
God I would eat all my peas, but He didn't care. A confused eleven-year-old
girl, I sat and listened to my father pace. With each heavy step echoing
loudly throughout the silent house, my family's anxiety and anticipation
mounted while awaiting news of my grandfather's health. My heart racing,
I watched the clock, amazed that time could crawl so slowly. Finally,
the telephone interrupted the house's solemn silence. I heard my father
repeating the words "yes, yes, of course." He then hung up the receiver
and announced my grandfather's death and cancer's victory.
This is
the kind of introduction that will immediately intrigue your reader
because it begins with a very unusual declaration. The image of a little
girl eating peas and hoping to acquire God's help is charming while
hinting at the solemnity of the situation described.
Surrounded
by thousands of stars, complete silence, and spectacular mountains,
I stood atop New Hampshire's Presidential Range, awestruck by nature's
beauty. Immediately, I realized that I must dedicate my life to understanding
the causes of the universe's beauty.
The first
ten words of this essay will catch your reader's attention, mainly because
they create a mental image of perfect natural beauty. Note that you
should try to avoid repeating key words. In this instance, it would
be easy to avoid repeating the word's beauty.é You could simply use "magnificenc"é"or"lovelinessé instead.
Dialogue
Introduction: Like the action introduction, the dialogue
introduction brings the reader directly into the action, only this time
in the form of dialogue. If you are writing about an influential figure
in your life, you can mention a quote from this person that exemplifies
the importance that he or she had on your life.
Examples:
"You must stop
seeing that Russian girl, " I ordered my brother when he returned
home last summer from the University of Indianapolis. Echoing the
prejudiced, ignorant sentiment that I had grown up with, I believed
it was wrong to become seriously involved with a person who does not
follow the Hindu religion and is not a member of the Indian race.
Multicultural
awareness is a key aspect of fitting in well at a university, and admissions
officers are very aware of this. Thus, it is an excellent idea to mention
how you expanded your cultural sensitivity. Beginning the essay by admitting
that you were once less tolerant is a compelling way to demonstrate
just how much you have grown as a person.
On the verge
of losing consciousness, I asked myself: "Why am I doing this?" Why
was I punishing my body? I had no answer; my mind blanked out from
exhaustion and terror. I had no time to second-guess myself with a
terrifying man leaning over my shoulder yelling: "You can break six
minutes!" As flecks of spit flew from his mouth and landed on the
handle bar of the ergometer, I longed to be finished with my first
Saturday rowing practice and my first fifteen-hundred-meter "erg
test."
The power
of this introduction comes from its attention to detail. The question
"why am I doing this?é gains support from every horrible detail:
the exhaustion, the terrifying man, and the specks of spit flying from
his mouth! With such strong supporting evidence, the quotation takes
on a life of its own. Your reader will find himself thinking, "why
would anyone do that? I'd like to find out.
Overarching
Societal Statements: Rather than using a traditional thesis
statement you can put forth a societal observation that ties into the
theme of your essay. This can be very effective if the statement is unique
and gives a glimpse into how you view the world. It can be detrimental
if your statement is debatable or unclear. Make sure that if you use this
form of introduction that no admissions office will take offense to it.
Examples:
High school
is a strange time. After three years of trying to develop an identity
and friends in middle school, students are expected to mature immediately
on the first day of ninth grade.
Be
careful not to make statements in your introduction that seem too exaggerated
or unrealistic. After all, no one expects a student to immediately mature
on the first day of ninth grade. Moreover, if your reader senses that
you attained most of your maturity at the beginning of high school,
he or she might be less than impressed with your character development.
It would be better to state, students are expected to enter a new environment
in which they must function with far greater maturity.
To this day,
the United States remains driven by the American Dream, and we often
hear of immigrants who come to this country to search for opportunities
that their native countries lack. In these tales, immigrants succeed
through hard work, dedication, and a little luck. As idealistic as
the story may seem, I have been fortunate enough to experience its
reality in the life of one very important man. His example has had
great impact on my personal expectations and goals, and the manner
in which I approach my own life.
This is an
excellent way to introduce a discussion of a person who has influenced
you significantly. Instead of launching immediately into a list of this
man's excellent qualities and admirable accomplishments, this introduction
lays the foundation for a comprehensive look at just why the man had
such a profound impact on you. It also places the most importance on
the American Dream, as is fitting in an essay like this one.
Art is a reflection
of one's self-identity in the most unaffected manner. Because art
is very personal, it has no right or wrong. The type of art that has
influenced me most is music.
The first
two sentences in this introduction set the kind of tone you want to
maintain throughout your essay: introspective and creative. However,
it moves on to a very boring and stilted structure in the third sentence.
To keep the tone creative, you could replace that sentence with the
following: "although artistic expression can take many forms, it
is music that has captivated me.é
Personal
Introduction: The Personal Introduction takes the
reader directly into your mind. It says, "This is what it is like
to be me. Let me take you to my little world.é Since there is a little
voyeur in even the most stern admissions officer, this type of introduction
can be very effective. It is always in the first person and usually takes
an informal, conversational tone:
Examples:
At times, I
think the world around me is crumbling to the ground, but it never
does. Like most people, I face the crunches of deadlines and endless
demands on my time, but I have never encountered the type of adversity
that can crush people, that can drive people crazy, that can drive
them to suicide.
This introduction
is indeed compelling, but it raises important questions about appropriate
content. Be careful to avoid writing a personal essay that is far too
personal. You do not want your reader to think that you might have character
weaknesses that prevent you from handling stressful situations well.
I chuckle to
myself every time I think about this. I am perceived as a mild-mannered,
intelligent individual until I mention that I am involved in riflery.
Did the
first sentence of this introduction confuse you? This was no doubt its
intention. By creating a little mystery in the first sentence, the reader
is forced to keep reading and keep wondering, "what is this kid's
secret?é until the final word, which pops in the reader's mind, sort
of like a gunshot: "riflery."
Question
Introduction: Many admissions essays begin with a
question. While this is an easy way to begin an essay, admissions officers
may perceive it as a "Lazy introduction.é No one wants to read an
essay that begins with such tacky material as: "To be or not to be"or"Are
you looking for an applicant who has drive and determination? Well, I'm
your guy.é If you are going to use a question, make sure that it is an
extremely compelling one and that your experiences provide answers.
Example:
Influence?
Why is it that the people who influence us most influence us in ways
that are not easily quantified? Through her work with abused children,
my mother has shown me the heroism of selfless dedication to a worthy
cause.
With one
word, this introduction takes an essay question about the person who
has most influenced you and turns it back around to the admissions board.
In effect, you are telling them that you have thought about their question
thoroughly. You have thought about it for so long that you have a couple
of questions of your own - questions that have sparked an interesting
commentary.
Quotation
Introduction: Many writers are tempted to start their
essay with a quote. You should try to resist this temptation, as most
quotes will look forced. Admissions officers will be turned off if it
is apparent that you searched through a book of famous quotes and came
up with a quote from some famous philosopher about whom you know nothing.
The quotation introduction is most effective when the quote you choose
is unusual, funny, or obscure, not too long, and from those to whom you
are closest. Choose a quote with a meaning you plan to reveal to the reader
as the essay progresses. The admissions committee is interested in how
you respond to the quote and what that response says about you.
Examples:
John F. Kennedy
said, "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can
do for your country." I see academics as a similar two-way interaction:
in the classroom, I will do much more than take up valuable space.
Because of the broad range of experiences I have had, my knowledge
of many subjects is thorough. These experiences will help me perform
well in any class, as I have learned how to use my time efficiently.
This is a
risky quote with which to begin an essay. After all, it is difficult
to imagine a more time-worn or oft-repeated statement. However, this
introduction goes on to apply this quote in a relatively unique manner.
The contrast between such a standard quotation and such an interesting
application will likely catch your reader's attention.
"Experience
is what you receive when you don't get what you want." I remembered
my father's words as I tried to postpone the coming massacre. Just
as during the fall of the Roman Empire, my allies became enemies and
my foes turned into partners. In fast and furious action with property
changing hands again and again, I rested my fate on the words of one
man, hoping he would rescue me from this dangerous tailspin. Do these
experts realize the heartbreak they are inflicting on my young life?
While the uncertainty of tomorrow's attire is the most pressing concern
for many seventeen-year-olds, I must worry about much greater issues!
It is August 31, the market is down over 300 points and the value
of my stock portfolio is falling fast.
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